As a relationship coach and dating coach, I’ve spent over a decade helping individuals and couples build securely attached, loving relationships. One of the most important elements of this journey is equipping my clients with the right tools and knowledge to foster emotional connection and security. Whether you’re navigating a new relationship or trying to strengthen a long-term partnership, having access to the best resources can make all the difference.
Below, I’m sharing some of the most powerful resources I recommend as an attachment specialist to help you on your journey toward secure attachment and healthy, connected relationships.
1. “The Power of Attachment” by Dr. Diane Poole Heller
Dr. Diane Poole Heller’s book, The Power of Attachment, is an excellent resource for understanding how our attachment styles shape the way we connect with others. In her work, Dr. Heller explores how unresolved attachment trauma from childhood can impact our adult relationships and offers practical solutions to heal and develop secure attachment.
This book is ideal for anyone who struggles with insecure attachment—whether anxious, avoidant, or disorganized—and wants to cultivate a deeper sense of safety and intimacy in their relationships.
As a relationship coach who is certified in Dr. Heller’s approach, I often reference her work to help my clients heal from insecure attachment patterns and move into more secure relationships.
2. “Hold Me Tight” by Dr. Sue Johnson
Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson is a groundbreaking book that introduces Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), a proven approach to creating and maintaining secure, loving relationships. Dr. Johnson’s work centers on helping couples repair and strengthen their emotional bonds. She explains how emotional safety and connection are the foundation for lasting love.
As a dating and relationship coach, I encourage both singles and couples to explore the concepts in Hold Me Tight. The book offers a step-by-step guide to reconnecting and repairing your relationship when conflicts arise, and it’s a must-read for anyone looking to build a secure foundation with their partner.
3. “Us” by Terry Real
Us by Terry Real offers a fresh perspective on modern relationships, emphasizing the importance of relational mindfulness and mutual respect. Real’s approach addresses common relational issues such as emotional unavailability, power struggles, and communication breakdowns, which are often rooted in attachment wounds.
As an attachment specialist, I appreciate how Terry Real integrates the understanding of attachment theory with practical strategies for couples to break unhealthy patterns and cultivate secure, balanced partnerships. This book can help you develop relational skills that support lasting intimacy and personal growth within your relationship. I’ve been training with Terry Real for over a year and have found his suggestions priceless in my work with couples.
4. Mini-Attachment Quiz
One of the best ways to begin your journey toward secure attachment is to understand your own attachment style. I’ve created a simple, accessible mini-attachment quiz that helps you identify whether you have an anxious, avoidant, disorganized, or secure attachment style (or a combination of them all).
Once you know your attachment style, you can use the resources mentioned here—such as The Power of Attachment, Hold Me Tight, and Us—to focus on your specific challenges and start taking steps toward healing and security. Understanding your attachment style is key in any relationship coaching process and will serve as the foundation for building healthier relationships. You can download the quiz here.
Why These Resources Matter
As both a relationship coach and dating coach, I’ve seen firsthand how life-changing it can be when individuals and couples understand their attachment styles. When we’re aware of how attachment influences our behaviors, we can make conscious decisions that lead to more secure, fulfilling connections. Each of the resources listed here offers essential tools for transforming your attachment style and fostering deep emotional connection.
- The Power of Attachment provides insight into healing attachment trauma.
- Hold Me Tight offers strategies for building emotional safety within romantic relationships.
- Us shows how to foster relational mindfulness and break unhealthy patterns.
Pair these resources with the mini-attachment quiz to gain a deeper understanding of your needs and relational patterns, helping you move toward the security and love you desire.
Whether you’re single or in a relationship, understanding your attachment style and learning how to cultivate secure attachment are crucial steps toward building lasting, connected relationships. I highly recommend starting with these transformative resources—The Power of Attachment by Dr. Diane Poole Heller, Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson, and Us by Terry Real—and taking my mini-attachment quiz to better understand yourself and your relationships.
As a relationship coach and dating coach, I’m here to help guide you on this journey. With the right tools, you can shift from insecure attachment to secure, deep, and fulfilling love.