Right now, many of us are isolated together for way more of the day then is good or natural for any relationship. It’s crucial we treat each other with love and kindness and that can be hard when we feel angry.

Think about the disagreement you’ve just had or something you’ve had in the past and haven’t let go of.

Now take the perspective of a neutral third-party who wants what’s best for all people involved. It’s important that you take the perspective of a person who really has the best intentions for both of you.

At this point you may want to ask yourself a few questions.

  • How might this third-party observe the disagreement?
  • What perspective could they offer around your partners behavior?
  • Can they find a silver lining in this disagreement, something good that might come out of this?

Spend at least five minutes thinking through these questions. You might want to do some journal writing here.

This is not an easy exercise for many of us. Especially if you come from an alcoholic or dysfunctional family of origin, arguments can activate old triggers and wounds from the past.

Think about what obstacles you face un trying to take this neutral, third party perspective?

Dig into what might help you overcome those obstacles. If you can talk to a professional about what stands in the way for you, then great. If not, try to manage the big emotions in the moment – take some deep breath’s and learn to pause. Take a break and walk away, walk around the block, take a shower, or listen to something calm or motivational until you calm down.

When we experience conflict with others, we typically take it personally, and get locked into our own thoughts and feelings about the matter.

Taking this perspective of a neutral person invites us to become the observer. We have much more of an opportunity to see our partners point of you and then look for the best way to achieve a positive resolution for everyone.

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